Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think your dad took our porno
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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