If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
