I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
