Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
