im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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