i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
