Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it because I queefed?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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