Pants 0. Shit 1.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
