I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
