i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
