I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
