if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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