I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
