we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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