Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
