When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
