chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
