its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
