these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
