Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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