I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
