Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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