YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
