Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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