Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
