Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
