I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
