I feel great
I just peed on a car
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
