and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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