Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
