we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
