the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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