pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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