I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
