im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
