I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
