At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
