is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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