YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
