It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
