I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
