If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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