it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
