I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How does it feel to date your dad?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
