how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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