Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
