chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
