Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
