Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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