I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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