I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize