I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
