Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
