I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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