I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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