my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
