I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
