I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
