You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
