giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize