I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
