I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
