So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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