As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize