I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
