I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
