I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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