so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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