i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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