i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Let's paint friendship bongs
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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